I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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