The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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