This is not my ceiling
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
There's even glitter on my cock...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
