Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have demons in me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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