There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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