This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
