I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's blow job season.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
