I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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