I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
