And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
