The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
