Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
