Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
