I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
