No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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