yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
