I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
