We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
