The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
