I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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