I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
