i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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