Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
