oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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