The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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