Yo dont text me then not text me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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