You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
