Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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