You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
