Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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