you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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