so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
