I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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