I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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