does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
