Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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