Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
