Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
