you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
