he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize