If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
