WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
