My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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