i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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