She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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