he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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