Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize