Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i will never coherently bang her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
