After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she woke up with a sticky ear
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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