nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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