Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
