You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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