You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
