I'm going to rape someone's good day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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