i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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