I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
do nipples grow back?
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