i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
