This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
