When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
