A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
