Sry I called you an 8
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
