Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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