There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
