Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
