She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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