can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
